I'm definitely getting to know the kids better with each day. Today was a little stressful, mostly just because I have really seen for myself how some of my favorite kids interact, and how some of them truly dislike each other. We were out on the playground when all kinds of drama unfolded . . . I was pushing kids on the swings and sometime in all of that Lauren bit Chikondi, so then her and Chifundi went wild on Lauren-- flipping her off, repeating, "so you think you're funny, huh?" and all of that kind of stuff. Chikondi even literally snarled at Lauren at one point . . . It was a bit of a mess. Each of the Chi girls were glued to me today! I would have one on my back and carried the other one in front of me all over the place until I was too tired. They each just started talking to me about their mom and dad today, separately, but they mumble so much and it's so loud outside with all the other kids playing, that I could hardly catch any of it. Based on the duel I witnessed with Lauren though, I'm guessing home is far from perfect. At one point, we were drawing in the sand and they had me draw "mommy, daddy, you (me), Oncle Alex (another volunteer), and us". They definitely are attached! Even crazy Corbin was all over me today too. Our Teacha was gone the first part of class, and with only our assistant it felt so much less structured . . . Some of the kids just sat in their seats with nothing to do until I made my way around to them. The kids normally have porridge right in the morning and a fruit break after workbooks, but for some reason that didn't happen today either. Our Teacha will be gone starting tomorrow for break (this week and next is actually school holiday, and that's why I only have half a class right now), but so it is only me, another volunteer, and the assistant teacher, who does absolutely nothing generally . . .
Yesterday had been a generally good day, better than the past few anyways, but I am back to being a little iffy about being here. I think that I am over the culture shock and have just accepted that its dangerous to be here and to never carry around anything I wouldn't mind being taken. So I'm just not sure what it is that is eating at me and preventing me from just enjoying myself here. I talked with my parents yesterday, who are worried sick after hearing all about the gangs and muggings. They're really in board for sending me home. I would feel awful leaving some of the kids, and it would really be such a waste to have come all this way. At this point, I can see that the program is not at all like it was supposed to be, based off of all the pre-departure material I went over, but I would like to give it a shot stil . . .
For winter time, as well as the supposed rainy season, the weather here actually isn't that bad! The last three days have been sunny and bright, with no rain! At night though, it gets pretty cold. Last night particularly it became the coldest it has been since I had arrived. It was still cold enough to barely see our breath in class this morning . . . Our house has no heat either, so it can get pretty cold in here as well. The DTR staff keeps opening our windows during the day, to prevent mold they say, but it is so freezing that the second they leave we close them all up again. Except for today, the weather had been awesome for winter time! It's chilly now, but still really nice outside.
So I guess we're having a meeting tonight with the program directors. There has been a lot of drama lately, and definitely a lot of negativity towards the director, Tim, at least in my house . . . We all came here just as it had erupted, so it's difficult to dissect all of what we've been told and to actually separate what's really wrong with the program and what is just pure drama. Four girls moved out of our house after their first night, on Sunday, and another girl left the program entirely after only two days of volunteering, because of all the drama. Two of the four girls who moved out Monday were drama themselves, so no one was sad to see them go, but it's still really sad that things are so messed up that this is what it comes to . . . With the meeting in our house tonight, and everything that has happened the last couple of days, there is just so much negativity in this house. It has definitely been eating at me, and it's difficult to tell whether it's the program structure solely or everyone's attitudes that are really making my experience in the house bad . . . I honestly believe that it is some combination of both. Yes, the program could be run better, but I don't like being surrounded by so much negativity. I'm hoping that in the next week the commotion will die down over it and we can all just stop letting it consume us.
My thoughts about the program and South Africa are definitely really scattered in this post . . . I guess I'm really just trying to wrap my head around everything still!
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